she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
