I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
