im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
