If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
