i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
