New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
