he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
