Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
