You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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