You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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