just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
