It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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