Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
