I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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