he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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