fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
