Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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