His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
