Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
