So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I met the friendliest cop last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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