Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
