Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
