Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.