My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
