I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?