I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
