Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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