You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
