there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
