Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
