At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
