There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
