We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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