i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
