Will you blow on my dice?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
