my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
