By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize