wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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