We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
