We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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