He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
