Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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