Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How does one acquire holy water?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
