tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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