dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
