dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
