How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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