i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
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