I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life