i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.