I just cut my nipple shaving
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
