I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
