R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
