goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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