I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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