they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
