I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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