It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
