1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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