I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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