I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
