I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
