WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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