so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
