Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
