if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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